These are my random musings. Hopefully they will be witty, insightful, and frequently updated.
singrdave's Articles In Humor » Page 2
November 23, 2005 by singrdave
And you thought numerology was the only way to enlightenment... Alectromancy - uses letters inscribed in a circle, selected by rooster pecking grain. Bibliomancy - is divination by turning to random book passages. Bletonism - divines by observing swirling currents of water. Cephalomancy - Examines the boiled skull of an animal particularly goat or Donkey. Cromniomancy - divines using interpretation of the curved patterns found inside an onion. Dorze - throws fowl entrails on the...
November 23, 2005 by singrdave
And you thought numerology was the only way to enlightenment... Alectromancy - uses letters inscribed in a circle, selected by rooster pecking grain. Bibliomancy - is divination by turning to random book passages. Bletonism - divines by observing swirling currents of water. Cephalomancy - Examines the boiled skull of an animal particularly goat or Donkey. Cromniomancy - divines using interpretation of the curved patterns found inside an onion. Dorze - throws fowl entrails on the...
November 23, 2005 by singrdave
Some thoughts on what a dog would ask God about the nature of the universe and his relationship to it... TO: GOD FROM: DOG Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do y...
November 23, 2005 by singrdave
Some thoughts on what a dog would ask God about the nature of the universe and his relationship to it... TO: GOD FROM: DOG Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do y...
November 21, 2005 by singrdave
From Reuters: How do you like your kangaroo -- medium rare? Doesn't sound too appealing, does it? So in a bid to make Australia's national icon more palatable, Food Companion International magazine and the Kangaroo Industry Association of Australia are running a competition to find a more palatable culinary name for the meat of the hopping marsupials. More than 300 entries have already been received from around the world including marsu (taken from marsupial), marla and wallagang (der...
November 21, 2005 by singrdave
From Reuters: How do you like your kangaroo -- medium rare? Doesn't sound too appealing, does it? So in a bid to make Australia's national icon more palatable, Food Companion International magazine and the Kangaroo Industry Association of Australia are running a competition to find a more palatable culinary name for the meat of the hopping marsupials. More than 300 entries have already been received from around the world including marsu (taken from marsupial), marla and wallagang (der...
January 10, 2006 by singrdave
I know she is a woman and pregnant, but this takes balls... From today's Arizona Republic : A pregnant Ahwatukee Foothills resident ticketed for driving in a carpool lane is scheduled to appear in court Tuesday to argue that her unborn child counted as a passenger. Candace Dickinson, 23, hopes to overturn her penalty and prove her point that even though her child was still in the womb while she was driving on Interstate 10 on Nov. 8 in Ahwatukee Foothills, there still was a seco...
January 10, 2006 by singrdave
I know she is a woman and pregnant, but this takes balls... From today's Arizona Republic : A pregnant Ahwatukee Foothills resident ticketed for driving in a carpool lane is scheduled to appear in court Tuesday to argue that her unborn child counted as a passenger. Candace Dickinson, 23, hopes to overturn her penalty and prove her point that even though her child was still in the womb while she was driving on Interstate 10 on Nov. 8 in Ahwatukee Foothills, there still was a seco...
January 8, 2006 by singrdave
Have you read the life journal of this man? Apparently he's got his own blog now, along with Venom , Spiderman , Beast , and my favorite, the Incredible Hulk . Too funny, especially in the middle of the night. It's 12:15 AM... anything is funny about this time of night.
January 8, 2006 by singrdave
Have you read the life journal of this man? Apparently he's got his own blog now, along with Venom , Spiderman , Beast , and my favorite, the Incredible Hulk . Too funny, especially in the middle of the night. It's 12:15 AM... anything is funny about this time of night.
January 2, 2006 by singrdave
SURREAL - One part opiate of the masses, 13 parts overuse. Oddly, news anchor and television small talk is becoming more surreal. HUNKER DOWN - To brace oneself, in anticipation of media onslaught. Trotted out in reports about everything from politics to hurricanes. I have a hankering to ban all of this hunkering. PERSON OF INTEREST - Found within the context of legal commentary, but seldom encountered at cocktail parties. Pardon me, but people with guns want to talk with you...
January 2, 2006 by singrdave
SURREAL - One part opiate of the masses, 13 parts overuse. Oddly, news anchor and television small talk is becoming more surreal. HUNKER DOWN - To brace oneself, in anticipation of media onslaught. Trotted out in reports about everything from politics to hurricanes. I have a hankering to ban all of this hunkering. PERSON OF INTEREST - Found within the context of legal commentary, but seldom encountered at cocktail parties. Pardon me, but people with guns want to talk with you...
December 15, 2005 by singrdave
From The Onion , America's Finest News Source: WASHINGTON, DC: ”In a sudden and unexpected blow to the Americans working to protect the holiday, liberal U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt ruled the private celebration of Christmas unconstitutional Monday. "In accordance with my activist agenda to secularize the nation, this court finds Christmas to be unlawful," Judge Reinhardt said. "The celebration of the birth of the philosopher Jesus", be it in the form of...
December 15, 2005 by singrdave
From The Onion , America's Finest News Source: WASHINGTON, DC: ”In a sudden and unexpected blow to the Americans working to protect the holiday, liberal U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt ruled the private celebration of Christmas unconstitutional Monday. "In accordance with my activist agenda to secularize the nation, this court finds Christmas to be unlawful," Judge Reinhardt said. "The celebration of the birth of the philosopher Jesus", be it in the form of...
December 12, 2005 by singrdave
Okay, excellent time-waster here. Smack the Pingu! Cute graphics, great game! A yeti hitting a falling penguin for distance, baseball style. I can't seem to get the image to save into my computer and so you'll have to trust me on this. Our top score is 537.4 -- good luck!