Wetting Pants at 7 Years Old

A dad's frustration

Published on November 14, 2005 By singrdave In Parenting

I have a problem with my son, Dylan. He's seven years old and just doesn't get that he needs to use the toilet every time he goes to the bathroom. Mostly pee, sometimes both.

He doesn't wet the bed; he gets up in the night to pee.

We have been going over this with him, and we thought he had it at the age of three. He was using the potty every time and it wasn't an issue. But he's had ongoing problems with accidents.

We've used rewards, punishments, and a combination of both. Praised, scolded, spanked, aaaghh!

Any advice for an exasperated couple of parents?!?!

Comments (Page 1)

Tova7

on Nov 14, 2005

My husband's brother did this until he was about 9...in the bed. They beat him over it and come to find out his bladder was smaller than it should be. He finally outgrew it.

I'd take him to the Dr. He may have "had" it at 3 because his bladder was adequate for the amount of liquids he was taking in, but maybe now its not. I would almost bet it is physical. This isn't as uncommon as you might think.

Take him to a Peds and rule out any physical problems first.

Then beat him.

JUST JOKING!!

Texas Wahine

on Nov 14, 2005

Kids also sometimes regress when they are facing big changes (a new baby in the house is a very common cause of regression). If that's what it is, all you can do is reassure him, make sure he has the attention he needs, and know that it will get better as time goes on.

Dr Guy

on Nov 14, 2005

Tex said a lot. We kind of do need more info. No beating. but what else is going on? (With him! not you!)

Tova7

on Nov 14, 2005

No beating.

Locamama

on Nov 14, 2005

How often is this happening? My oldest would have occassional accidents until he was probably about 9 but he does have a developmental condition. I think mainly he would just wait until the last possible moment and then not be able to get to the bathroom fast enough. Basically I started asking him if he needed to go to the bathroom all the time especially if we were in the middle of an activity that I knew he wouldn't want to stop.

singrdave

on Nov 15, 2005

It's almost every day now, but he can go an entire week without an accident if he's "properly motivated".

(I put that in ominous quotes, but it's really not that way. We don't beat -- much -- but we do hold out on good things, like watching a movie or having dessert after dinner.)

Umm, as far as big changes, I thought they were over. Like this past summer, we did move across country and my wife had a baby. So there is a baby brother in the house (and sharing his room), but they are only in the same room at night and he doesn't have nighttime accidents.

For me, the fact that he doesn't have nighttime accidents rules out bladder dysfunction or underdevelopment.

Locamama

on Nov 15, 2005

Does he do this at school or only at home? Just wondering? What does he say if you ask him why he isn't using the toilet? Maybe you can get special underwear that shock him if there's any moisture - joking

singrdave

on Nov 15, 2005

Does he do this at school or only at home?

School, church, and running errands mostly. At home, we remind him often enough but when we're out somewhere we are either not around (like church, where he has his own sunday school class) or too preoccupied to remind him (like shopping).

What does he say if you ask him why he isn't using the toilet?

He claims that he doesn't know where the toilet is. This is especially frustrating because he won't ask anyone to take him to the bathroom. His teachers know that he needs to be reminded. He's just too timid to tell anyone, I think.

Maybe you can get special underwear that shock him if there's any moisture

Nice, but I don't think CPS would be keen to find out that was what we use. We *are* threatening pull-ups if he has one more accident this week.
We'll see how that goes.

Locamama

on Nov 15, 2005

I can't imagine it's a physical problem if its only a problem when you're not at home. I'm surprised that he isn't embarassed in front of his friends etc. Do you make him clean up his own mess? that might help motivate him. I hope you are able to convince him to speak up and ask where the bathroom is. I would think that would be less intimidating that having to admit that you wet yourself. Maybe start putting him in the pull ups when you leave the house and after he can go so long without an accident then let him start wearing underwear again. The question is will he care if he goes in the pullups or not? Good luck with this. It's a very frustrating problem, I know.

singrdave

on Nov 15, 2005

Have you had him checked out by a gastroenterologist? There is a condition called Encopresis...

Good heavens! I don't think it's as bad as all that. I really think it's that he holds it so long that he can't help himself. Either he's too timid to say anything about needing to go to the bathroom or he's having fun and doesn't want to miss the action. So he just lets it go...

He went all day today without a problem. Hopefully it'll keep going through the week. But this is an ongoing problem, and has been since he first potty-trained (or so we thought) at three.

Texas Wahine

on Nov 15, 2005

Either he's too timid to say anything about needing to go to the bathroom or he's having fun and doesn't want to miss the action.

My youngest used to have a thing about using a certain bathroom. It had to be the one downstairs in OUR house. One time he was playing at a friend's house when I had an appointment, and he had to go. He refused to use their bathroom and so my friend took him to our house because he HAD to use the bathroom in our house. He didn't make it.

He did outgrow that.

I think the biggest problem you're facing is that it doesn't seem to bother him or gross him out. If it did, he'd make sure to go when he needed to.

Another consideration...some kids will have accidents (especially with pooping) to express their unhappiness or disapproval with something the parent has done. They "punish" their parents for not letting them have candy or play with playdough on the carpet, etc.

If it's not a medical issue, the only solution is going to be finding a way to make NOT going in his pants more appealing to him than going in his pants...either through making the accident a seriously unpleasant experience for him, rewarding him for not having accidents, or some combination of the two.

I mean, kids are like grown ups...we do the things we do to get what we want. If a behavior doesn't benefit us in some way, we drop it. There's something he's getting out of this behavior, and since he's having BMs as well as peeing in his pants, I'm guessing it's more than just being too involved to take a potty break.

Tova7

on Nov 16, 2005

some kids will have accidents (especially with pooping) to express their unhappiness or disapproval with something the parent has done. They "punish" their parents for not letting them have candy or play with playdough on the carpet, etc.

I KNOW this is a serious conversation but this just struck me as really funny today.

Take this s--- for giving me s---! How very mini adult kids can be!

singrdave

on Nov 16, 2005

TXW:

some kids will have accidents (especially with pooping) to express their unhappiness or disapproval with something the parent has done.

Wow, I hope that's not the case. He's not that highly-strung, nor is he moody or sullen. He's just shy.

Whip:

There's only one way to find out though, and I still think a thorough doctor's exam would be a wise thing to obtain at this point.

A very good point, and that is absolutely true. If he can't control himself for the rest of the week I will take him there myself. Our pediatrician is less than a mile from our new house, though we haven't visited him yet.

I just don't *want* to think it's a physical (or psychological) problem, since that tells me that there are deeper, underlying issues that I don't know how to deal with. But he's seven, for crying out loud... he should not be wetting himself.

just john

on Nov 16, 2005

I think I can offer some insight here. My wife and I took in her brother's four children. Their parents were having problems and we offered to help.

They had FOUR children, a girl and three boys. When they arrived at my home all of them (7, 9, 11,
The girl had never been taught how to properly care for herself so she was prone to infection. She also had bladder control problems similar to a small dog. If she got excited she would have an accident. We were never able to address this issue.

The oldest boy wet the bed at night. He was growing abnormally fast and his condition was treated with medication. As soon as he went back to his parents and stopped taking the meds he started wetting the bed again.

The nine year old would sit in front of the PlayStation and just let it go. It turns out that he routinely lost "his spot" when he went to the bathroom. That was an easy one. I took away the PlayStation. This solved several other problems.

Now to the point... The seven year old would use the PlayStation excuse until he could no longer get away with it. Then it was "I was too busy playing". "Fine, then you wont be to busy while you are grounded." I dealt with a host of excuses.

We were finally able to get him to go to the bathroom to urinate. He realized that the evidence was too visible. He would claim it hurt too much to go #2 on the toilet. I am sure this was a possible reason. I could not get vegetables into the kid. He could have been constipated, but that doesn't explain why he could do it standing up.

Later we found out that his sister had touched him in a very inappropriate manor through her admission. That was a potential cause that we could not ignore. We sought the help of a professional only to find that he had no recollection of it because he was too young.

We tried every deterrent. We put him in pull ups and sent him to school. It was easy to tell that he had them on. It made no difference. After all, the kids probably already teased him because he was usually walking around with a stinky load in his shorts. He had to clean his underwear in the toilet. I caught him whistling while doing it once. I knew I was in trouble.

In the end it was attention. He was acting out to not just get attention for himself but to take it away from the other three. They fought for attention with their parents. This was just his accepted coping mechanism any time that he felt transparent.

I would seriously suggest a doctors visit if for no other reason than to rule that cause out. The doc will also offer some good advice on the best road for you to take. Good Luck!

singrdave

on Nov 20, 2005

Just to give y'all a follow-up, since this is the end of the week-long trial.

Dylan came through with flying colors. No problems, no accidents, no drips even. He had a few scares and a few times he was too stubborn to try and go to the bathroom, but all in all a good week.

Don't get me wrong, I will still get him to a doctor to check for any bladder-development problems; we have an appointment on Wednesday of next week. But I don't foresee any longterm issues.

But we've said that before.

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