These are my random musings. Hopefully they will be witty, insightful, and frequently updated.
Discounts for Nazis and Aryans. But Jews could nab an Oscar with this kind of parentage.
Published on November 29, 2005 By singrdave In Movies & TV & Books
Recently dharmagrl posted a great email conversation with Vincent Gallo. She offered him some advice on "The Brown Bunny", his latest film, and he offered her a proposition for her to show him her boobies. Classy guy. Real piece of work.
"Would you show this man your ta-ta's?"

So anyway, I happened upon this site this morning and thought y'all would get a kick out of what else Vincent Gallo is offering on the public.

In addition to books he's read and motorcycles he's driven, the customer can also choose to buy his essence:



Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1 Million


Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value)
If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts.
Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery.
Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free.
If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000.
However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself.

Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing.
Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases.
If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female.
Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration.
In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.
To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo.
The purchaser must find another surname for the child.


Think highly of himself, does he?

This one goes out to you, dharma baby.

Comments
on Nov 29, 2005

Aww, now I'm blushing! Thank you ever so much for the name drop!

I cannot believe that anyone in their right mind would want to purchase his seed. 

And you're right.....Vinnie is incredibly pretentious, narcissistic, egotistical and self-absorbed.  Just a not-very-nice person all around.

on Nov 29, 2005
I assume that the skanky looking person in the photograph is this gallo person. Odd, I know people who are very interested in film, and I'm not a total doof in terms of it either, and I haven't heard anyone talking about him.

Little farts tend to linger in crowded areas. Just because a lot of people smell them there doesn't mean they are relevant overall.

on Nov 29, 2005



I assume that the skanky looking person in the photograph is this gallo person


You would be correct. Isn't he a sight? Apparently practicing good personal hygeine isn't on his repetoire.
on Nov 29, 2005
Is Gallo his real name, or just the wine he guzzles to look so skanky?  Earnest and Julio would be ashamed to share a name with him.
on Nov 29, 2005
Is Gallo his real name, or just the wine he guzzles to look so skanky? Earnest and Julio would be ashamed to share a name with him.


It's his real name. Vincent Vito Gallo.
on Nov 29, 2005

I think my favorite part is that he assumes his artistic talent will move on to his offspring.
And that if the offspring is Jewish (reference Coen Brothers?), then it's a lock for an Academy Award.

As if "The Brown Bunny" is worthy of anything but scorn in the first place.

Just another self-absorbed, narcissistic moron who loves attention.
on Nov 29, 2005
Just another self-absorbed, narcissistic moron who loves attention.


It's kinda like the Emperor and his new clothes. Mr Gallo's been around patronising sycophants for so long that he's actually started to believe the tripe and the hype he's been fed. That's why I wrote him that sarcastic letter - which, btw, went right over his head. I dunno how, it was so blatant that even my kid saw it.

That's what happens when you start to believe your own bullcrap.
on Nov 29, 2005
Does this guy actually have groupies who would pay for this crap? I'm not talking about the sperm - ewww! (seems to me that it probably wouldn't be too hard to get him to give you a free donation) I'm talking about his childhood memorabilia.

So a pretentious D list, minor celebrity wannabe thinks his sperm is worth $1 million. Why doesn't he just join the ranks of other has beens and never weres and look into being on the next surreal life?
on Nov 29, 2005
Icky.