Manhandled!

The knife awaits

Published on December 20, 2005 By singrdave In Surgery

The 'V' Word For Men
From vasectomy.com:
Having an operation involving the testicles is every man's fear. To a greater or lesser degree, just about every man would rather not have anything to do with a procedure on or near his genital region. Simply recognizing that this fear exists is a first step.

Many men recognize that having a vasectomy could be the best solution for their personal or family situation, and that their short-term fear is offset by a long-term benefit for themselves and their spouse. Having the procedure is likely to be a family decision, but it is ultimately a significant step that the man can take to contribute to the couple's ongoing relationship.

My previous article stated that I was about to undergo the Big V: Vasectomy.
I realized that after twelve years of marriage and four children, it was time to stop breeding.
My kids are great, they truly are. But four "is enough... to fill our lives with love!" (Name that tune!)

So I went and saw the Maryland Urology Associates today.

Met with Dr. Nikhil Steth, because unfortunately Dr. Shpritz was on vacation for Christmas. Dr. Steth was a nice enough guy, for a urologist.

So there he was, gloves on and ready to inspect. In the Christmas spirit, I unwrapped my package and allowed him to handle the merchandise.

(My wife just came over at this point and asked me why I would want to share this. A better question may be why would anyone want to read this?)

A vasectomy procedure includes a local anesthetic that completely numbs the area. Therefore, there should be no feeling or a slight pulling sensation during the procedure itself. Many patients report mild discomfort for the first day or two after the anesthetic wears off. This is usually relieved with a prescription or over-the-counter pain medication, application of ice packs and the use of an athletic supporter.

Dr. Steth said that the testes were feelin' good and healthy. (Excellent news.) And would I be available for the procedure either this Friday or next February? He's also going out of town, back to his native India for the month of January. So it was either three days from now or six weeks.

Doctors often recommend that a patient rest following the procedure and avoid strenuous activity or heavy lifting for two or three days. Individuals can usually return to work within three days, and most patients say they feel completely back to normal in about a week.

Thinking of the recovery time, and that I would be having a three-day weekend for Christmas, I opted for Friday at noon.
Perhaps I can milk it for all it's worth over the weekend. Perhaps I can also weasel an extra "vasectomy present" out of the deal. I bought an athletic supporter at Target tonight.

But here we go, under the knife.

I can still type. Blog updates to follow.

Comments (Page 1)

dharmagrl

on Dec 20, 2005

You've already got a jockstrap, so the only other thing I can advise you to do it to stock up on bags of frozen peas. They're cheaper than ice packs, and they form to your *ahem* man parts better so they provide the cold where it's most needed.

Dave had valium before his and percocet after. I recall him sitting on the couch with frozen peas on his 'nads, counting his pills and saying 'I can be stoned for 5 whole days if I play it right!' with an delirious look on his face.

He doesn't remember any of it, of course.

I wish I could say I feel for you, but as I don't have balls....I can't. I can tell you how I pushed out a 9lb baby with no paid meds if you like, though!

Dave will be home tomorrow, I'll ask him if he has any advice for you.

Texas Wahine

on Dec 20, 2005

Wow...you're seriously cool with being all bruised and sore during Christmas? Yeouch.

Now see, if you were still in the Army, you could take like 2 weeks off and stretch out the family sympathy for a looong time.

MarcieMoo

on Dec 20, 2005

lol...you're a whiz with words, d.

Now you know how women feel having to have their parts gyno-handled every year--not to mention having metal contraptions shoved up them and giant lollipop sized q-tips shoved up there, too...

Ohhh...but then it's time for the penis-shaped vaginal ultrasound--gotta slap the condom on that puppy and then its time to go to town...*shudders* Blech!

Vasectomies must just be a part of God's redemption plan for men for having it so easy.

lol...good luck, anyway, brave man. Have fun this weekend--enjoy the spermies while you still have them, and congratulations on your healthy testicles!

Moderateman

on Dec 20, 2005

Because of your great sacrifice, your honey should give extra attention to the shortened area. @smirk@ heh

singrdave

on Dec 20, 2005

Marcie:

enjoy the spermies while you still have them

My boys... my little swimmers... I shall miss them.

Tex:

Wow...you're seriously cool with being all bruised and sore during Christmas?

Not exactly cool, but I want to be over and done with it. Just think... my first sperm-free year! (I thought only women could have those!)

Moderateman:

Because of your great sacrifice, your honey should give extra attention to the shortened area. @smirk@ heh

What exactly are you thinking they're gonna cut off?!?!

Moderateman

on Dec 20, 2005

Moderate man:
Because of your great sacrifice, your honey should give extra attention to the shortened area. @smirk@ heh

What exactly are you thinking they're gonna cut off?!?!

Any cut to that area of anatomy is too much, heh

ParaTed2k

on Dec 20, 2005

Good On Ya Dave!!!

I hate it when I see guys making their wives get their tubes tied. As rough as it is on guys, it's a whole lot harder on women... unless there is a medical reason, it is pure selfishness.

Three Cheers for SingrDave!

pseudosoldier

on Dec 21, 2005

Perhaps I can milk it for all it's worth over the weekend.

I don't think "milking it" will be "worth" as much as before, though...

Dr Guy

on Dec 21, 2005

This too shall pass! Probably not even realize they did a thing. (some of us dont have any problems).

dharmagrl

on Dec 21, 2005

I don't think "milking it" will be "worth" as much as before, though...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! That made me snort coffee out of my nose! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Trudygolightly

on Dec 21, 2005

Wow, this article wasn't what I thought it was going to be about!
gee, sorry to hear it's about surgery,
I'm sure you'll do just fine though

(quote]I don't think "milking it" will be "worth" as much as before, though...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! That made me snort coffee out of my nose! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

, Dharma's response made me laff!

singrdave

on Dec 21, 2005

"Milking it"... yeah, that's a good one, pseudo. I don't think "milking" will take place at all for a week or so.

I plan to lay on the couch, frozen peas in crotch, watching sports all weekend. Now I have an excuse to do just that. :

:

I learned something yesterday at the urologist: ejaculate is 98% sperm, 2% semen. Who knew? Who cared?

Talisein

on Dec 21, 2005

When I was in close quarters with one of our pilots, he shared with me that pretty much all the pilots had had it done. Apparently one guy did it, and everyone released it was cool or something.

Whoa, 98% sperm? Are you sure you don't have that the other way around? Sperm are realllllly small. The wikipedia article on ejaculate suggests the average volume of ejaculate is 2 to 6 ml, and then says that typically 2 - 6 ml of semen is produced.

I can't believe I looked that up.

singrdave

on Dec 21, 2005

Whoa, 98% sperm? Are you sure you don't have that the other way around? Sperm are realllllly small. The wikipedia article on ejaculate suggests the average volume of ejaculate is 2 to 6 ml, and then says that typically 2 - 6 ml of semen is produced.

That did seem pretty high at first glance, but it came from the literature the doctor handed me. It was under the heading "Will the vasectomy keep me from ejaculating?"
Maybe I read it wrong, maybe they meant to say 98% semen and 2% sperm...

singrdave

on Dec 21, 2005

From Wikipedia.org:

Approximately 200- to 500-million spermatozoa (also called sperm or spermatozoans), produced in the testes, are released per ejaculation. However, they (sperm) make up only about 2–5% of the volume of semen.

Yeah, I must have read it wrong. I'll have to go back and look at that literature again.

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