These are my random musings. Hopefully they will be witty, insightful, and frequently updated.
When we marry I'd like five last names, if you please.
Published on December 11, 2005 By singrdave In Marriage
I have a rant, and I think you'll either agree with me wholeheartedly or completely flame me over this.

I cannot stand it when a woman insists on hyphenating her married name with her maiden name. To see people saddled with two or three surnames is just mean-spirited. I understand that women want to express their independence and their non-subjugation to their husband, but stop thinking about yourself for a moment...

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

I know several children who have their parents' names, both with a big ol' hyphen in the middle. One in particular, he was one of my Cub Scouts last year. His name is Xavier C-W (not gonna put his whole name out on the web, especially since he is a minor...) and this poor little boy has two names. But, when I met his dad, he had the same name! Hugh C-W! Turns out HIS mother had insisted on keeping her surname. And their child, the dad of my Cub Scout, was saddled with the C-W surname. And his wife, when they married, had to take on the C-W surname. (Or, even more laughably, her own surname hyphenated along with her husband's already hyphenated surname!) And the grandson suffers, as will the grandson (my Scout) when he gets married and has children of his own. Turns out Mrs. C, generations back, will burden her progeny for generations to come.

I have another friend, this time a grown one, who recently got married. His name was Christopher G-M. Three long names in their own right, surnames dumped upon him at birth. His new wife had to take them, as well. As will their children.

I have it on good authority that until recently, in Quebec, the children had been forced to mandatorily take on both parents' surnames at birth. So as not to cause consternation, I guess. But then, a couple generations later, the problem was that people who already had two last names were marrying people who already had two last names... as you can see, this was getting out of hand. Four surnames, then eight, then sixteen. Reminds me of a bacterial infection or a mathematics problem.

MANDATORY DISCLAIMER:
I realize that I am a man. And my wife took my last name.

But she did so creatively! Her maiden name was C. Her middle name is now C, and her last name (like mine) is R. She is Bonnie C. R.... And when she got her college diploma, though she had earned it before she got married, she had it typed up with her married name.

All I ask is that when you're about to get married, please consider the long-term consequences of your actions. You may want your identity now, but will your great-grandchildren want it, too?

Comments (Page 1)
on Dec 11, 2005
Well, it would help with geneology!  From Mr. R-F-J-?
on Dec 11, 2005
When my greatgrandparents split up, my grandfather was given to a family to be raised.
He took their last name and used their last name til he was an adult. When he got married, he used the inital
of their last name as a second middle name.
Perfectly clear, right?

Some of the kin that don't have access to the documents that we do, and won't accept the documents,
keep trying to change the facts
and are speculating to the meaning of his "2nd" middle name.......

I'm thinking of changing my last name back to my dad's surname, and adding, with a hyphen, my mom's maiden name....
on Dec 11, 2005
Lucy Stone was the first woman to ever keep her maiden name after marriage. she is regarded as a women's activist hero. in a society where white men were top dog, and to be rulers over the women, she stood up for women's rights.

"Lucy Stone contributed to society in many ways. She toured the country, lecturing against slavery and advocating equality for women. She helped organize the first national women's rights convention, held in Worcester, Massachusetts in 1850. Her main focus was women's rights, and she mostly fought for this through legislation. Stone and her husband were in charge of Women's Journal, which was an effective forum for their women's rights views."

her husband's name was Blackwell.
and her daughter was Alice Stone Blackwell. i wonder what her great great great grand-daughter's name was...

the women's rights movement was vital to our nation's growth, however, i believe that some women have taken it too far. men are supposed to be head of the household, and dominant over women, not the other way around.

i think their goals are really just a plot to have women someday rule the world, and men be kept somewhere underground, only to be used for continuing the species.



on Dec 11, 2005
When Ryan and I get married, I'm thinking about moving my maiden name into another middle name, but being called Mrs. His Last Name. I don't want to get rid of my middle name. It is my mother's middle name and my paternal grandmother's first name. But I like my maiden name. I'm proud of it. Not that I live there anymore, but having MY last name in the little town I grew up in means something. We weren't rich by any means, but our name means honesty and trustworthiness. If I wre to have a daughter, she, too, would be blessed with the middle name of "Helen"...if you can call that a blessing.

I think you're on the right track here. I can see why some families choose to do this, but it makes things really confusing for kids and the public in general.
on Dec 11, 2005
Wow, to think I could be ParaTed2k Hawkins-Reeder-Mitton-Dunn-Toone-Bingham (and that's only going back three generations) ... I don't think that would have fit very well on my Army uniform name tapes. ;~D
on Dec 11, 2005
I cannot [stand?] it when a woman insists on hyphenating her married name with her maiden name. To see people saddled with two or three surnames is just mean-spirited. I understand that women want to express their independence and their non-subjugation to their husband, but stop thinking about yourself for a moment...


But if a woman is adamant about keeping her last name what then? Is it important enough to you and are you open minded enough that you would then be willing to take your wife's last name? For the good of the children, that is.



on Dec 11, 2005
Exactly, I think it should be more acceptable for men to take women's last names!!! I want to keep my last name, but I also do want to share a name with the people that are the closest to me: say my future husband and my future children.

I think the hyphenated stuff sucks too, but it is kind of a fair way of doing things. Do you have any alternate suggestions so women don't just have to lose their maiden names, altogether?


on Dec 11, 2005
I think if you have an established career or its important to you, then you should continue to use your maiden name in your public and work life. Then you can use your family name in your personal and family life. I have a good friend that did this and it works great for her. The kids have their dad's last name, the family name but she still keeps her identity from before her marriage.

I gladly took my husband's name but sometimes I miss my "old" last name. As much as I love my husband and wanted to be bound to him by sharing the same last name, I feel like I lost a bit of my family history and identity when I gave up my maiden name.
on Dec 11, 2005
Personally, I will NEVER change my name again. My name is part of me. I'm a Daddy's girl and extremely proud of my heritage and my family. I have no genetic blood tie to anyone I may ever marry again.
on Dec 11, 2005
This is a very interesting topic. In Italy the woman's last name never changes. She gets married to Mr.Bello, all their children will be Huey, Duey and Luey Bello, but her last name will always be that of her father. She goes through her whole life (married or unmarried) legally with her father's last name.

I'm not to hip on the hyphenation, it can get carried away. However, if a woman would like to keep her maiden name, I see nothing wrong with it, it just makes little ole Johnny spend four weeks in preschool learning to write his name instead of one!
on Dec 11, 2005

in a society where white men were top dog,

I wonder why the color made a difference.

on Dec 11, 2005

Personally, I will NEVER change my name again. My name is part of me. I'm a Daddy's girl and extremely proud of my heritage and my family. I have no genetic blood tie to anyone I may ever marry again.

I like you!  Maybe because I married your sister?

on Dec 11, 2005
But if a woman is adamant about keeping her last name what then?

I dated a girl in high school who shared the same last name as me. And she insisted that she would keep her own name if we ever got married.
I joked back that she could consider hyphenating it, Martha Robinson-Robinson... ::

Is it important enough to you and are you open minded enough that you would then be willing to take your wife's last name?

Yes, I think I would, especially if I had ended up marrying Martha.
on Dec 13, 2005
I think if you have an established career or its important to you, then you should continue to use your maiden name in your public and work life.


I've known a lot of women who have done this. It seems like it would be a little confusing keeping the names straight. On the contrary, they have all said that it puts a great seperation between their personal life and their job. I'm sure there are women out there who have had problems because of it, but none of the women I've known have.
on Dec 13, 2005
I think if you have an established career or its important to you, then you should continue to use your maiden name in your public and work life.


I think that a person's work and legacy should definitely carry with them. But notice the trend lately to take the married name, like Mia (Hamm) Garciaparra.
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